Self Compassion is Armor.

 There is a fierceness to self compassion as well as a tenderness. Tender self-compassion is the parent comforting their child. Fierce self-compassion is the mama tiger defending her kits. We need both.  We need both for balance and sustainability - especially in the communities of caring: healthcare, ministry and non-profit social activists.

There is a mistaken idea in the helping communities that we must deny ourselves compassion for the greater suffering of others. Perhaps this might work for a sprint, but healing care takes balance… and patience to go the distance. In many communities of caring, we hold this embedded notion that we are not all sustained by a greater source and that we must do more, deny ourselves equal care and tending. This was certainly NOT what Jesus had in mind. There is balance here – not more, not less but equal care of self and care of the other.

He said:

Love your neighbor, as yourself

Self compassion is actually an energy source that ignites our abilities and moves us to be capable of helping others.

Healing the unsustainable stories within

Choose to listen to better stories.

We know how, and we know what stories do not cause us pain. But to let go of these very comfortable misunderstandings, takes effort. Integrating the new story into our lives, even as the old one arises to throw us off course is a periodic effort moment to moment. Perhaps from metaphorical bird that sits on your shoulders (or one on my video background) to remind us to sing a better tune. Or maybe it is the whispers of a beloved ancestor, or poet, or mentor who knew wisdom when they happened upon it, and lived it... for you to see.

Listen to the stories that do not inflict self-harm and cause us to continue the pain. We need to balance the fierceness and the tenderness into our new stories of love.

Power without love is reckless and abusive and love without power is sentimental and anemic.” – Martin Luther King Jr.

Because we have what we need, there is a mysterious power of life flowing through us in a river of healing. (For you non-spiritual folks, think of this power as a HIIT program for your placebo effect.) As we step - just one step - into self-kindness - and then the next - by listening to a better, kinder story in the moment. Slowly, but steadily we heal ourselves from the inside with the repeated wisdom turned habit - methodically responding to the whispers of the higher in each moment. 

We can heal that old depleting story of self-denial to become better and more sustainable care workers. And if you are caring for another, they might even heal by your example of this better love story duet: the love of self AND others.

We are ONE in this.